" I AM MY OWN PERSONAL BRAND OF HEROIN "

SOMETIMES I WONDERED IF I WAS SEEING THE SAME THINGS THROUGH MY EYES THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD WAS SEEING THROUGH THEIRS. MAYBE THERE WAS A GLITCH IN MY BRAIN.
I TRIED TO THINK OF A LOGICAL SOLUTION THAT COULD EXPLAIN WHAT I HAD JUST BEEN THROUGH — A SOLUTION THAT EXCLUDED THE ASSUMPTION THAT I WAS INSANE.
I AM NOT A MAGNET FOR ACCIDENTS — THAT’S NOT A BROAD ENOUGH CLASSIFICATION. I AM A MAGNET FOR TROUBLE. IF THERE IS ANYTHING DANGEROUS WITHIN A TEN-MILE RADIUS, IT WILL INVARIABLY FIND ME.
GOOD LUCK TENDED TO AVOID ME
THE ONLY GUESS I HAVE IS THAT MAYBE MY MIND DOESN’T WORK THE SAME WAY THE REST OF THE WORLD DO. LIKE MY THOUGHTS ARE ON THE AM FREQUENCY AND I’M ONLY GETTING FM
I’M THE WORLD’S WORST PREDATOR, AREN’T I? EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE PUSHES ME AWAY — PEOPLE IN GENERAL, SADNESS, HATETRESS, DOING THE SAME THINGS JUST DIFFERENT DAYS. AS IF I NEED ANY OF THAT!
PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE. BUT ME… I NEVER DO WHAT’S EXPECTED OF ME.
I DON’T WANT TO SUFFER, OR EASILY BE FRUSTRATED. LIFE IS LITERALLY MY PERSONAL HELL ON EARTH.
I AM SO DEPRESSED BY LIFE THAT IT’S MADE ME SUICIDAL? IT WILL BE NICE IF I’D NEVER EXISTED
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEANT IF I SAID I’M ONLY HUMAN?
I WISH YOU COULD FEEL THE… COMPLEXITY… THE CONFUSION… I FEEL. WOULD THAT MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND?
ABOUT THREE THINGS I WAS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE. FIRST, I AM DEPRESS AND UNHAPPY. SECOND, THERE IS A PART OF ME— AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW PERSUASIVE THAT PART MIGHT BE — THAT THIRSTED FOR COMMITTING SUICIDE. AND THIRD, I WAS UNCONDITIONALLY AND IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH THE THOUGHT OF DYING.
I’M NOT THE MOST DANGEROUS THING OUT THERE. LET’S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I’D RATHER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING — EVEN IF WHAT YOU’RE THINKING IS INSANE. YOUR COMMENTS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME SO LEAVE SOMETHING…
Before I start the present, we must go back to the past. A highlight of my life…
I see a therapist once a week, psychiatrists once a month for refills and see how things are going. I go through ups and downs with my depression, this time it was different. I’m not saying it changed my life. Every now and then I want it over with already. I AM TIRED and WANT IT TO GO AWAY!
My name is Ly’Lla pronounced Lila. I’m 28; suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, and adult deficiency disorder, lol what a great life I have. Here is my life story…

Monday, August 16, 2010

THINGS I HATE DOING!

I am a clean freak. Once I start cleaning there is no stopping me until I smell all cleaning products that I’ve been using. It depends if I’m cleaning the entire house it takes half of my day. It’s not just cleaning, its detailing I will go behind every corner of the house I will move the bed to get all the dirt underneath.

WHEN IT COMES TO…

LAUNDRY…I think this was a bad invention, I mean come on! Only must you wash, you must separate its like colors, wash in different temperatures, then fold once you’re done. Seriously who in their right mind have time for this? I mean this can take all day! There are better things to do you know…like watching twilight sagas over…and over…and over…or blog, or site and be lazy, stay on facebook, texting those are important things to do.

MAKING THE BED…really! What’s the point in this? You’re going to sleep in again in less than 24 hours. At least folding laundry as much time consuming it takes it might sit in the closet for a while. Making the bed what is that? The person who came up with this idea had neither LIFE nor anything better to do with their morning. Can you imagine if you have to be up at 8am, that means wake up at least 10 minutes before to make your bed? Do you know what you can do with 10minute? SLEEP! That’s extra ten minute to make your morning brighter…10min you can have the best morning SEX! It might take a little more than 10min I hope but it’s worth being late for. 10min you can eat breakfast, catch up with facebook, emails, I don’t know do something forth ten minute of your life!

VOICE MAIL…who has the time to listen to a stupid machine that tells you what people said when you didn’t pick up? That is why THERE IS A TEXT MESSAGING FEAUTER THAT COMES WITH THE PHONE!!! I look at it this way if what you have to tell me is so dam important than you’ll keep calling and calling until I pick up! I will respond on a text faster than I can return a phone call. If I could deal with businesses like Phone Company, credit card, Dr.’s office, and type of business through texting my life will be heaven. I HATE talking on the phone, your put on hold forever than your transfer somewhere else that you have to explain yourself all freaking over again AAAHHHHH.

OH…by the way this was supposed to be my folding cloth time but I figure I should put my time into better use. I’ll just throw these closes in the drawer who will know? And who really care cause I sure don’t.

0 comments: