" I AM MY OWN PERSONAL BRAND OF HEROIN "

SOMETIMES I WONDERED IF I WAS SEEING THE SAME THINGS THROUGH MY EYES THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD WAS SEEING THROUGH THEIRS. MAYBE THERE WAS A GLITCH IN MY BRAIN.
I TRIED TO THINK OF A LOGICAL SOLUTION THAT COULD EXPLAIN WHAT I HAD JUST BEEN THROUGH — A SOLUTION THAT EXCLUDED THE ASSUMPTION THAT I WAS INSANE.
I AM NOT A MAGNET FOR ACCIDENTS — THAT’S NOT A BROAD ENOUGH CLASSIFICATION. I AM A MAGNET FOR TROUBLE. IF THERE IS ANYTHING DANGEROUS WITHIN A TEN-MILE RADIUS, IT WILL INVARIABLY FIND ME.
GOOD LUCK TENDED TO AVOID ME
THE ONLY GUESS I HAVE IS THAT MAYBE MY MIND DOESN’T WORK THE SAME WAY THE REST OF THE WORLD DO. LIKE MY THOUGHTS ARE ON THE AM FREQUENCY AND I’M ONLY GETTING FM
I’M THE WORLD’S WORST PREDATOR, AREN’T I? EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE PUSHES ME AWAY — PEOPLE IN GENERAL, SADNESS, HATETRESS, DOING THE SAME THINGS JUST DIFFERENT DAYS. AS IF I NEED ANY OF THAT!
PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE. BUT ME… I NEVER DO WHAT’S EXPECTED OF ME.
I DON’T WANT TO SUFFER, OR EASILY BE FRUSTRATED. LIFE IS LITERALLY MY PERSONAL HELL ON EARTH.
I AM SO DEPRESSED BY LIFE THAT IT’S MADE ME SUICIDAL? IT WILL BE NICE IF I’D NEVER EXISTED
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEANT IF I SAID I’M ONLY HUMAN?
I WISH YOU COULD FEEL THE… COMPLEXITY… THE CONFUSION… I FEEL. WOULD THAT MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND?
ABOUT THREE THINGS I WAS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE. FIRST, I AM DEPRESS AND UNHAPPY. SECOND, THERE IS A PART OF ME— AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW PERSUASIVE THAT PART MIGHT BE — THAT THIRSTED FOR COMMITTING SUICIDE. AND THIRD, I WAS UNCONDITIONALLY AND IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH THE THOUGHT OF DYING.
I’M NOT THE MOST DANGEROUS THING OUT THERE. LET’S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I’D RATHER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING — EVEN IF WHAT YOU’RE THINKING IS INSANE. YOUR COMMENTS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME SO LEAVE SOMETHING…
Before I start the present, we must go back to the past. A highlight of my life…
I see a therapist once a week, psychiatrists once a month for refills and see how things are going. I go through ups and downs with my depression, this time it was different. I’m not saying it changed my life. Every now and then I want it over with already. I AM TIRED and WANT IT TO GO AWAY!
My name is Ly’Lla pronounced Lila. I’m 28; suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, and adult deficiency disorder, lol what a great life I have. Here is my life story…

Sunday, August 22, 2010

DO HARD THINGS

SMALL HARD THINGS…(week two of Church)


Remember I said at church we are covering four topics of “DO HARD THINGS” today is week two, covering “DO SMALLL HARD THINGS”


Can you believe that small things are actually the hardest things in life? I did not understand the first week when we were given the topics of what will be covered in the next four weeks. Today I get it. What does it mean by do SMALL HARD THINGS?


The pastor gave examples such as making your bed every morning, brushing your teeth, studying for a test, cleaning the house, cooking these are just few examples of small things; but if you have to do them every day, they became small hard things!


That is so true, as you recall on my THINGS I HATE DOING on blog topic. Making the bed, washing cloth, what is up with that? Smiling at people when all I want to do is cry or left alone. Stay home and be lazy, instead of going to work; have the perfect body by nature than to go the gym four times a week, Buying shoes everyday instead of paying bills; never growing old so I can stay home with mom where there are no responsibilities.


Being genuine daily is a small hard thing, this is a good one attention is a way of communication, and not communicating shows attention is that great or what? This is funny since I’m a blogger. He said “don’t blog about the teaching, but what the teaching did for you"This is what the teaching did for me; just like sports or school you practice to be the best in any sports you’re in, study everyday to have the best grade point average. I am going to practice every day to do genuine things daily that is the only way to become nature at it


We are always ready to point fingers when things goes wrong, or use the favorite word “ it ain’t my fault” When fail to recognize responsibilities of your own actions, you are lying to yourself not to others and that keeps you away from growing up
G ______ Toward

Selfless A______

M____ Bad
Thank you father for giving me such a wonderful week, I am grateful for all you do for me. Thank you for the wonderful people you bring into my life and for those who tempt me into temptation help me do the small hard things by saying no again and again and again
Generous toward Go

Selfless Again

My Bad

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