MY LIFE as... Ly'Lla: DO HARD THINGS

" I AM MY OWN PERSONAL BRAND OF HEROIN "

SOMETIMES I WONDERED IF I WAS SEEING THE SAME THINGS THROUGH MY EYES THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD WAS SEEING THROUGH THEIRS. MAYBE THERE WAS A GLITCH IN MY BRAIN.
I TRIED TO THINK OF A LOGICAL SOLUTION THAT COULD EXPLAIN WHAT I HAD JUST BEEN THROUGH — A SOLUTION THAT EXCLUDED THE ASSUMPTION THAT I WAS INSANE.
I AM NOT A MAGNET FOR ACCIDENTS — THAT’S NOT A BROAD ENOUGH CLASSIFICATION. I AM A MAGNET FOR TROUBLE. IF THERE IS ANYTHING DANGEROUS WITHIN A TEN-MILE RADIUS, IT WILL INVARIABLY FIND ME.
GOOD LUCK TENDED TO AVOID ME
THE ONLY GUESS I HAVE IS THAT MAYBE MY MIND DOESN’T WORK THE SAME WAY THE REST OF THE WORLD DO. LIKE MY THOUGHTS ARE ON THE AM FREQUENCY AND I’M ONLY GETTING FM
I’M THE WORLD’S WORST PREDATOR, AREN’T I? EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE PUSHES ME AWAY — PEOPLE IN GENERAL, SADNESS, HATETRESS, DOING THE SAME THINGS JUST DIFFERENT DAYS. AS IF I NEED ANY OF THAT!
PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE. BUT ME… I NEVER DO WHAT’S EXPECTED OF ME.
I DON’T WANT TO SUFFER, OR EASILY BE FRUSTRATED. LIFE IS LITERALLY MY PERSONAL HELL ON EARTH.
I AM SO DEPRESSED BY LIFE THAT IT’S MADE ME SUICIDAL? IT WILL BE NICE IF I’D NEVER EXISTED
WOULD YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEANT IF I SAID I’M ONLY HUMAN?
I WISH YOU COULD FEEL THE… COMPLEXITY… THE CONFUSION… I FEEL. WOULD THAT MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND?
ABOUT THREE THINGS I WAS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE. FIRST, I AM DEPRESS AND UNHAPPY. SECOND, THERE IS A PART OF ME— AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW PERSUASIVE THAT PART MIGHT BE — THAT THIRSTED FOR COMMITTING SUICIDE. AND THIRD, I WAS UNCONDITIONALLY AND IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH THE THOUGHT OF DYING.
I’M NOT THE MOST DANGEROUS THING OUT THERE. LET’S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I’D RATHER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING — EVEN IF WHAT YOU’RE THINKING IS INSANE. YOUR COMMENTS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME SO LEAVE SOMETHING…
Before I start the present, we must go back to the past. A highlight of my life…
I see a therapist once a week, psychiatrists once a month for refills and see how things are going. I go through ups and downs with my depression, this time it was different. I’m not saying it changed my life. Every now and then I want it over with already. I AM TIRED and WANT IT TO GO AWAY!
My name is Ly’Lla pronounced Lila. I’m 28; suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, and adult deficiency disorder, lol what a great life I have. Here is my life story…

Sunday, August 15, 2010

DO HARD THINGS

BEYOND WHAT IS EXPECTED!

Church was AWESOME!!!

If you did not go to church today here are the words of GOD...."without faith is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him...” Hebrew 11

We have a four week worship that talks about DO HARD THINGS...today week one is about…GO BEYOND WHAT IS EXPECTED-II kings 4:8-37(pg361)

These were words of encouragement. Understanding it is not always about ourselves, but those around us and the strangers we come upon. It’s the smallest things that count. Example holding the door for someone, allowing the car next to you to get in front instead of speed ahead. Being grateful for the things we have, instead of complaining.

The pastor said use “I CAN instead of I cannot” go beyond what is expected of you. Your boss expects you to be at work at 8am, show up five or ten minutes early that is beyond your expectation. Great a stranger and ask about their day before you bypass them that is beyond your expectation. So I pray beyond my what is expected…

Our father in heaven hello be thy name…

I thank you for all you have done for me… I ask that you keep me in your circle, help and guide me restore my faith for I get lost into temptation for your names sake I ask point me toward the right direction.

Our father whom prepared a table before my enemies…

Let me not bring revenge up on them, but give me the strength to stand before them as a way of forgiveness.

Our father I pray for my Family…

I don’t show it as much as I should nor do I tell them how much I love them. So I ask you be with them and store your shield upon my family. For I do not know what I will do if they were not my back bone; I ask that my sister delivers a beautiful baby boy and mostly in your greatest health. I ask that you help my mother and father get through this financial difficulties; I pray for my two little brothers to grow under your wings for the world is a dangerous place to be. I ask that you keep my other sister safe and show all of us the right path to your kingdom in your names sake.

Our father I pray for my friends and for all around the world…

Thank you for the shining lights that you brought forth in the form of my friends. Thank you for leading me through a great family that welcomed me to their home and provided shelter for me. As they show me the path to your kingdom.

I pray for Josh, give him the strength to get better since his health is in question. I pray for a miracle that Raul won’t have to go to Afghanistan, but if that is his calling then please place him under your wings for protection and all the soldiers out there fighting for our country and our way of freedom and peace. Bless it be thy name.

Help us as a whole to get along with each other in this world. Walk among us day or night; sunny or rain. Be with us always as we dwell in your house for EVER!

AMEN!

With that being said in closing the pastor left us with this song…